Friends and "Friends"

betsey: Jane, I was talking with someone recently about Facebook and how it artificially extends “acquaintance” relationships long past their normal shelf life. Say, someone from a former church, or someone you worked with briefly. If you ran into them in Target you might say hi, how’s the family, but you don’t necessarily want to keep up with their daily life.

It’s a small point, but it’s an example of how FB redefines connections, who’s a “friend,” what you share, etc. I’ll admit, I’m not a big fan. I’m on it and drop by every now and then, but if it went away I wouldn’t miss it.

jane: I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Sometimes I'm on it a lot, and sometimes not so much. It's funny, of the 350+ “friends” in my network, probably only a handful of people -- usually the same ones -- read and respond to my status updates. Speaking of which, Betsey, you're not among that handful!

For those of us somehow related to the publishing industry, Facebook is a way to market ourselves, to keep our names “out there.” Plus, I've found it to be a marvelous method of sharing photos and staying in touch with my adult kids (thank goodness they friended me!).

But I've also been surprised by a social-network serendipity; some unexpected connections have turned into sources of true encouragement. I've “met” a few women I sense I could become good friends with, if only we had the opportunity to spend time together face-to-face to cultivate those things we share in common. These are women who tickle my funny bone or have similar taste in music, books, or movies. I can tell we share a common spiritual commitment, a similar life season, and certain experiences. That aspect of social networking has been really cool!

betsey: I think that sounds great -- a little like when I was a kid and had all these pen pals. And I see the professional usefulness of both Facebook and, in particular, LinkedIn to keep your name out there. But the ubiquity of social networks has made me realize anew the power of simply being in person with someone. I’m even wondering if we might get so saturated with all this “virtual reality,” as it were, that running over to shoot the breeze with a neighbor might make a comeback.

jane: There's nothing wrong with that! In my grandparents' day, folks used to take that “Sunday drive” to visit other families. You expected people would drop over, so you always had the coffee pot perking and bars or cookies ready to serve. That just doesn't happen nowadays -- at least, Rich and I don't make a habit of that, nor does anyone we know. People are too busy with their own agendas, or too worried about how their house looks, or if they have anything to serve. Betsey, I'm thinking we should re-institute “Sunday afternoon visits”! You guys live close enough for us to just pop over . . .

betsey: I think so too -- as long as it’s after my nap!