When Christmas Comes "Just the Same . . . "

betsey: Jane, maybe it’s the fact that it’s like 15 degrees outside as I write this, or the loss of brave Elizabeth Edwards, but it’s put me in a pensive, slightly melancholy mood. I was all set to share some cozy thoughts about Christmas and how we had a wonderful tea at my house on Saturday and the snow is so picturesque as seen through our big front window . . . but I got to remembering my most sorrowful Christmas. It was 1990. My dad got sick right around then. He was unsteady, couldn’t walk very well. It was heartbreaking at Thanksgiving, watching him attempt to carve the turkey as he always had done – but he was too shaky and so needed help. Things went downhill from there and he was finally admitted to the hospital for brain surgery.

For years early December – like now – was a sad time for me, because the onset of the holidays reminded me, This was when Dad got sick. I remember seeing a local production of The Nutcracker with a six-year-old Amanda and feeling distracted and unable to enjoy the sweet little dancers and familiar music, because Dad was, possibly, leaving us.

I know some people really struggle with Christmas blues, and that some churches have “Blue Christmas” services for those who feel less than “merry and bright” at the holidays. Do you ever have these feelings?

jane: Without a doubt. Fourteen years ago, almost to this day, Rich and I were sitting in a doctor's office finding out the results of a pathology report that told us he had cancer. I'll never forget that December. 

 

I vividly remember floating through holiday activities, such as my company's annual Christmas party, being “there” but not there, if you know what I mean. One evening I felt so feverish with fear that I leaned my forehead on the chilly window pane of our living-room picture window. As the cool glass eased my anxiety, I watched neighbors in their cars driving up and down our street, hurrying on with their busy, happy holidays. It seemed surreal. How could their lives continue to be so normal when ours were completed turned upside down?

Praise God, our story has a happy ending. But for years, I too found myself melancholy, distracted, at loose ends this time of year. It took me a few years to link those residual emotions to that particular December. 

betsey: It’s interesting rereading my book The Woman with Two Heads, which I wrote while Dad was sick. I have a chapter in it called “George Bailey Was Wrong,” where I talk about the so-called “Christmas spirit” and say that we don’t always feel that happy at Christmas and really, we should have that spirit year-round. I realize how that came from my sadness about my father. But I also think there are some years we actually need Christmas.
 

jane: I agree. We definitely need Christmas, but what we DON'T need is pressure to live up to some idealized concept of Christmas. If we're gut honest, most of us have some serious heartache or financial worry or relational challenge we're dealing with during this season. Even if things are rolling right along, I believe some kind of disconnect will always exist between our longings for a truly authentic season of peace, joy, and reconciliation and our reality. I suspect those longings are echoes of Eden that only heaven will fulfill.

betsey: A few days ago Fritz and I had to do a blitz decorating for the tea we had. We ordered a pizza (which we never do), put on one of our newer Christmas CDs, and started digging into the boxes he had brought up from the basement. I was amazed at how good I felt, how happy I was to be elbow-deep in Christmas mess and saying “hello” to my stuff again, and sharing it all with my husband. It was that joy that comes unbidden. I was tired and feeling burdened, but suddenly joy drifted in like a snowflake.

jane: Ah, joy that changes everything! The Joy to the World that pierces our particular mess and transforms it. That's the presence of Christ. And as I immerse myself in all the wonderful Christmas music that plays in my home, I find that joy growing, no matter what concerns of heart or soul I may be experiencing.

betsey: The line that comes to mind is from the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas: “Christmas came just the same!” I got that book from relatives when I was about eight and remember reading it and being powerfully struck by that. Christmas came just the same. You’re right – you can get a little gleam, a glimpse, a peek through a door at this season. 

 

Christmas comes just the same. And we know why.