What You Said About House Envy

Our blog post If I Lived in That House . . . generated some great discussion among betsey:jane followers on dealing with house envy and avoiding making our home an idol. The discussion also reminded me of a blog I [Jane] wrote last year about my parents' house fire and the insights I gleaned about earthly "stuff" (Ashes, Ashes).

But here's what you've said about this whole the-grass-is-greener-in-someone-else's-designer-kitchen thing. And those new to the conversation, please join in!

Wendy Paine Miller said...
About this house envy stuff. Yes, been there. Just yesterday I was dealing with the grass is greener syndrome with my neighbor across the street (wonderful woman). Her grass isn't the only thing in good shape. She has a lovely garden of flowers and my thumb just isn't green.

So, each time I go over for a chat I learn the name of a flower and I soak it in as she teaches me. Who knows whether I'll actually be able to get the things to grow come time to plant, but I'll sure know the names of lots of flowers.

Kate Bryant said...
I think I've given up hope on a house I can just feel comfortable living in and having people visit. Seems like there are ALWAYS other priorities for our time and our money. Yet it really stinks to not like your own house. If I had my druthers we'd get rid of the house, move into a townhouse that needs NO work whatsoever, and just live. Invite people over. Have guests. I think I'm more utilitarian...I just want a house without "house issues"!!!!

Betsey & Jane said...
Boy, I think there's real wisdom in the idea of being unencumbered by these house issues. If we could practice hospitality without the worry of measuring up, just think how that could free us to use "stuff" for more Kingdom purposes. I'm not there yet . . . but crawling toward that.

Janine Petry said...
This is a hard discussion to enter into. I'm not quite sure how to do it, but I suppose it's because, I cannot relate--not in the same way.

For more than six years, our family has always lived in...someone else's house. As church staff, we were provided housing to live in. And transitioning away from that position in the past few months, God provided yet another home to live in at no cost, except sweat, to us. But we have never chosen, invested in (the way you discuss), or owned any of these. And this has truly changed my outlook on the things you're talking about.

I've had to wrestle with the question that comes before what you're asking: will we ever even OWN a home? Should we? Are we less if we never do? There are many, many people who will never make the decisions or ask the questions you are asking. For them, just having a place to live is enough. Just the daily bread; forget about the matching breadbox.

One day, while taking a walk with my (then) three kids, I was looking at the beautiful homes, and yes, wishing we had one. Thet urge is real--and I think put there for Heavenly purposes. But I admit, I was thinking "life would be better if we only..." And then it hit. What a lie. And how long have I believed it? It renders the rest of the "envy" discussion...irrelevant for me.

Jesus described himself as one who "has no place to rest his head" on this earth (Matt 8:20; Luke 9:58). I want to take that to heart and understand it. I want to long for ONE home, above. I want to say with Paul that "what is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" (Phil 3:8).

I don't want my heart or my identity in any way based on a dwelling here; I don't want to measure myself in fabrics and hardwood floors, and I don't want to measure anyone else that way either. These will not last. And blind beggars and cripples and the forgotten homeless may know, far better than I ever will, the beauty of a dwelling unencumbered by earthly desires and filled completely by the all-surpassing Christ.

Betsey & Jane said...
Thanks for your insights. I think often of my daughter and son-in-law, missionaries who share a living space with another family. They are learning lessons I haven't been called (or perhaps better to say "chosen") to learn about an earthly residence. I think the desire for a home of one's own is natural, however, but as with anything in life can easily become an idol. So how do we keep our home from becoming an idol? That's the question!

Mawty said...
I think I go in to anyone's house and find something that inspires me. It might be a color or a backsplash or a cute rug or the way they put their pictures together on the wall. I'm not sure I have envy. I'd call it inspiration to do something in my home like that. I used to have envy, but I think cancer has changed that. I just feel good when people come over and say my house feels peaceful is all I want to hear. It doesn't have to be a beautiful home, the cleanest home, the richest home. Peace and harmony. God's spirit.

Ronna said...
About this Lifestyle-Lust-thingy you've been discussing, God and I had a "talk" about this just a couple days ago. I was worried that I was lusting over re-decorating. I was out on my deck, overlooking my pond, with my first cup of coffee of the morning.

God showed me the beauty of the sky, the grasses, even the "ambiance" of the wind blowing through the trees and the sound it makes. "See," he said like one of those Hot Flashes from Heaven, "I create beauty. And I redecorate ALL the time. Four times every year I change colors in my foliage, rearranging, replanting, repainting sky, earth, water." Genius! Who ELSE but God would implant into WOman the desire for beauty? I was instantly at peace with His perspective and reassured that he would keep me from turning HIS desires into a spiritual trainwreck.

Betsey & Jane said...
I love how God is the Master Designer and that our love of texture, color, and form harkens back to being made in his image!

Karen said...
House envy has been a huge issue in my life... striving for a home we could be proud of has been nothing short of idolatry. I've found God does not tolerate idols in the life of his children.

In September 2008, He dealt with my continually seeking after home improvement. In one short weekend, The Lord allowed half of my home to be destroyed by floodwaters. At the same time, I'd been referred to a specialist because of a suspicious lump in my breast. And to top it all off...my father-in-law was not recovering well from recent surgery.

Nothing like devastation to send one to her knees for a re-ordering of priorities!

Out of the ashes, or in this case, soggy mess, God brought beauty. Friends and neighbors rushed in faster than those floodwaters with encouragement, help, and prayers. My father-in-law improved. The scary lump disappeared. My house has been restored.

Most importantly, my home is no longer my idol. It is simply the dwelling place the Lord has given me for this life. A place that is not made precious by our possessions, but by those who inhabit our home and visit us here.

Betsey & Jane said...
I'm moved and encouraged by your story, Karen. And thankful for the happy endings, too!