Tea and Sympathy

 

jane: A cozy table, fragrant teas, great conversation, and a delicious assortment of delectables . . . what a sweet holiday tradition our little book club has created, meeting each December in downtown Wheaton at Suzette's Creperie for its Christmas Tea! And for me, last Sunday afternoon's celebration with everyone couldn't have arrived at a better time.

As we sipped chai tea and devoured scones slathered with clotted cream and lemon curd, I experienced a respite from the acute sadness over an ill family member that burdened me. 

Despite whipping winds and swirling snow outside, I felt warmed by the caring concern that comes from time spent with girlfriends.

Just think, Betsey, how our book club, now going on its second year, has evolved beyond monthly discussions about words on paper (or text on Kindle). We're joined not only by our love of reading, but by our faith, our present or past employer, and our season of life. A season, I might add, that's seen lots of unexpected, unwelcome stuff interjected into it.

Over the months we've been meeting as the Topaz Literary Club, you, Louise, Marty, Virginia, and I have experienced life-changing, even life-threatening challenges.

For instance, I've soldiered through my parents' house fire, my father-in-law's death, my mother-in-law's move into assisted living, and my sister-in-law's cancer battle. Add to that what all the others have been going through!

betsey: I know: unemployment in the family, loss of parents, illness, even the normal “aches and pains” of the second half that are more inconvenience than tragedy, but still a nuisance. But what a joy to reconnect with these women. We all knew each other when, some of us going back to the mid-'80s, but it’s wonderful to sit and look around and see how God has journeyed with us.

jane: God's been present with our group, that's for sure. But Betsey, do you remember exactly why we named ourselves “Topaz”? I'm scratching my head, trying to remember . . .

betsey: You know, I don’t! I mean, we’re all gems, right? Could be that the topaz has some significance. Also, it’s kind of a cool word. Sounds almost Arabic or something.

jane: How different this book club experience has been from my first, which was somewhat disappointing. A dear friend had sweetly invited me to join hers, and the club was comprised of very nice women. But because I lived many miles from their suburban community, I never really felt plugged in. When I became increasingly demotivated by the long drive to meetings, I finally decided to quit. Yet I continued to daydream - and even pray a bit - about gathering women who loved words and ideas, whose faith and wisdom I respected, women with whom I knew I'd connect because we held certain experiences and a life stage in common. The first one I thought of was you, Betsey! When I approached you with my idea of inviting a few compatible women to begin a book club, I was thrilled you agreed to partner with me in this enterprise.  

betsey: When we started talking about it, I was very happy because I felt like I was doing what women of a certain age and socioeconomic level do: join a book club! We’ve even read The Help! (Which I think we all really enjoyed. Guess they’re making a movie out of it . . . I know that from reading People at the salon.)

jane: Oh, did you hear they're finally making a movie out of Devil in the White City, our first book club pick? Our friend Leonardo DiCaprio is to play the lead role of the evil Dr. Holmes. So sorry for you it's not Johnny Depp, knowing how you feel about him . . . !

betsey: Actually, he would be excellent, but Leo should do a fine job too. Love that book! I’ll admit, some books I enjoyed more than others, and there have been some months it felt like “homework.” But especially in recent months

I feel we’ve reached a sweet, deep level of sisterhood.

jane: I marvel at that - and thank God for it. Friendship is such a funny thing. When I was editor of Today's Christian Woman magazine, I had final say on the purchase of friendship articles. And when an author wrote from the assumption our readers all had scads of girly friends with whom they merrily met for mega-shopping blitzes or other fun outings, I took pause and usually rejected the article or asked for a rewrite. Because while there's nothing wrong with having lots and lots of friends, many women don't have that extensive a friendship circle. I didn't want my readers to feel inadequate or somehow lacking. And, truth be told, I couldn't relate to that slant because I'm much more of a few-close-friends woman by nature.

I hold my few friends close to my heart, but gladly embrace the new friendships God brings my way.

And this group is one of those blessings. Even though we meet once a month, our little Gang of Five is grounded by a strong, unspoken support of each other.

betsey: Jane, do you know - I think you do - how many “friendship” articles I’ve read about these women who every year have reunions with their college friends at some resort? I would read these and think, Why don’t I have that? But I’m more content with my friend life than I’ve been in quite a while. This group is part of that. For me it’s a combination of the intellectual and emotional engagement.

(L to R) Louise, Betsey, Jane, Marty, and Virginia

jane: Don't you feel transformed in some way by each woman in our group, Betsey? I've been motivated by Louise's unbridled enthusiasm for reading and her gift for organization. I've been delighted by Virginia's wisdom and intrigued by her perspective. In fact, one of my favorite reads was Virginia's selection of portions of Ovid's Metamorphoses, because it was different and thought-provoking. I've been inspired by Marty's calm and beautiful dignity in the face of a serious trial; she's helped me see God's grace in fresh ways, a grace I've needed to grab hold of during the rough patches in my own life. And you, dear friend, with your insights and love of good writing, and your gift of hospitality that encourages my own.

Through all the friendship feasts and famines through which my journey's brought me, I've decided that in this second half of life, friends are even more crucial. No matter how hard it may be for us to make new friends as we age, we mustn't stop trying. In the end, 

God cares whether we're in a dry season or in a season rife with friendship.

When we invite him into our relational world, he moves on our behalf to provide what we need, when we need it most . . . if we have eyes to see it and hearts to welcome it!

Oh, I love the way our Topaz Literary Club explores culture and faith by discussing interesting books. It's fun and stimulating. But I'm convinced God brought TLC together for something more, and for that I'm so thankful. So here's to more books to read, more encouragement to give, and more tea and scones to consume come next December!